you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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