there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
