i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
