hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
