I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
