ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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