her vagine was all disorganized.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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