her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
