There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
