I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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