Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
