I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
