Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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