every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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