Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
