it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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