The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
