Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There are leaves in my underwear?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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