I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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