Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
