I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
