the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
