sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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