that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
