The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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