So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
