it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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