Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
