Pappa wants mamma naked
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
