After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
