I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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