so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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