Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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