I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
