Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you win again, gameday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
