ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
