this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
