Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
