I think my fart just growled at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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