So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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