I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize