Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
