i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
