thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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