Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
