is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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