so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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