Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
