You're completely useless in the revolution.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
