i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
