He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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