I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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