The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
