I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
