I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
