everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think im in europe. pls send help
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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