i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
