if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
