no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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