We won't sleep together?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
