You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
